A Woman’s Best Friend

A day seldom goes by without the necessity of a visit to the grocery store. My wife says I couldn’t miss a day at the shops, that I’m addicted, I’d have withdrawal symptoms. Well, I can’t really disagree as I haven’t missed a day yet, perhaps there would be some kind of withdrawal, doesn’t matter, I’ll face those demons when I have to. In spite of my long standing instructions that any needs are to be added to “The List” there are always items those who don’t live by the list, forget. I have no need to remember how many slices of bread are left, or whether or not the tomato paste was used a few days ago, I write it down. Househusbands with a system are like elephants, we never forget... our lists, except today.

There’s an art to organised shopping, obviously the list, and the environment friendly bags, but also planning the trip itself is important. Parking in a shaded spot near the entrance is one of the keys to an enjoyable experience. I’ve found that if I arrive at about 10:30 and stop the car near the entrance, a spot will appear because shoppers who arrive for the 8:30 store opening will be leaving. Logical and efficient, works almost every time when I get to do the shopping by myself. Didn’t work today.

She’s having a few days off work so the wife decided to come with me, she does this on purpose I think, and too often, coming with me that is. The problems usually start with the morning schedule. Up and showered by 7:30, after letting the cat out the back door, I put the washing on and do those dishes the boys used the night before, then I’m almost ready. Can’t see the TV from the laundry but I can catch some of the morning show while drying the plates. I let the cat back in for his breakfast and clean the litter, what a fantastic time I have. After making the beds I’m ready to go, but not today.

At 10:00 I’m usually in the car with the radio on a rock station at a suitable volume for a middle aged househusband, on my way to do the mornings shopping, but the wife’s coming today.

Having waken at 8:40 she decided toast and jam with a glass of juice would be nice to have in bed this morning. I enjoy doing little things like that for my wife, throughout our marriage I’ve tried to give her the simple pleasures that make her smile. As I offered her the plate, I made a mental note to get it and the glass back before washing the dishes. Turning to leave I paused as she said, “Have you gotten the paper yet?” Not having time to read papers I almost never buy one, only on Sunday mornings, for the comics and movie gossip. The corner store was 10 minutes away.

The Morning Show was on the bedroom TV when I returned, the lady who always wore a suit said it was 9:35. Picking up the plate and glass I said “I’ll just wash the dishes and then we’ll have to go, it’s getting late.” “I’ll get up in a minute and have a shower”, she replied opening the paper. Perhaps I could make the bed while she was in the shower, the cat was meowing to get outside again. Running one eye over the shopping list once more as I did the dishes, keeping the other on the TV, I didn’t notice the cat behind me until I stepped on his tail, I’d left the door open so he could please himself. The thing with the tail didn’t bother him too much, he had his mind set on the food game. He stands at one end of the kitchen floor me at the other, my job is to skid dry cat food one piece at a time across the tiled floor, his is to stop the food before it gets past him. He gets fed and I get amused. I heard the shower running, it was 10:15.

Quickly making the bed, not to my usual standard, I returned to finish drying and putting away the dishes. Once again I noticed that the ornamental plates, the ones we never use but put on shelves for people to see, needed washing. Perhaps when the wife went back to work, never seem to have time for those odd jobs. The hair dryer was on but I couldn’t remember if the make-up happened before or after the hair. The schedule was shot to hell anyway, “It’s 11:00”, I said as she picked up the list and mumbled, “I’ll just do my face” , “Only be a minute.” Yea, I was going to miss the midday movie. It doesn’t matter what movies on, I use the time to make a list of things that need doing around the place, and jot down new ideas for stories, photos and such.

I don’t particularly like shopping, I only do it for the family, dinner? I could live on sandwiches, but they’ve grown used to my making a cooked meal every night, more dishes to wash. Of course, no parking spot in front of the supermarket, we walk a mile. I grabbed a trolley as the wife walked over to the cake section, I was becoming concerned while searching my pockets for the third time, the list had to be here somewhere. Not one to panic, the other shoppers would only have noticed a slight squeak in my voice as I shouted Sally! I felt a rise in blood pressure when she replied “No, I don’t have the list.” I explained that I had seen her reading it as she did her makeup, she explained that I was imagining it. I’m only a guy, what was I to say to that?

There was nothing else to do, standing at the first aisle while looking across the supermarket, I visualised each step I needed to take in order to accomplish my objective. I know every nook and cranny of this place, I thought to myself with a self-assuring nod, get on with it. I perused the shelves carefully, not wanting to have to backtrack looking for some missed essential, only amateur shoppers do that. As I placed the third item in the trolley she said; looking over my shoulder, “We don’t need that.” Torn between a witty reply and possible fact, I looked at my empty left hand, no list, thus no proof of need. Having learned long ago not to argue, I slowly placed the Dragon Fruit back on the shelf, I really wanted to take a photo of that thing, didn’t have a clue how to cook it or how it tasted but it looked great. Progress was slow, questioning each selection I made as to intended use and necessity, she had taken charge of the shopping expedition. I couldn’t argue, I had no list to enforce my dominance of the situation.

It was at the start of the third aisle the miracle happened. Supermarket designers don’t get the credit they deserve, the all important store layout, the placement of key items in crucial positions is of paramount importance to the whole shopping experience. Today a new innovation had occurred, the rack containing “Women’s Magazines” had been moved to the top of my favourite aisle. I made the turn into “Stationary, Household Electrics, and Things you strongly desire but don’t really need,” before realising she wasn’t leading from behind anymore. I could feel the weight of her critical stare lift from my shoulders as I turned and saw her, a petite middle aged lady beginning her absorbed journey through the pages of “New Idea”, to be followed by, “Women’s Weekly” and God knows what else. I smiled and turned back to “MY” shopping.

I have a cupboard at home, exclusively for my supplies, things I might one day use. Being organised requires proper equipment, notepad, pens, paper in several sizes. Binders of various thicknesses, and cardboard dividers to keep each section separate. Hole punch, staples, rulers, those little self adhesive ring re-enforcer things and much, much more, stationary’s good stuff, I keep my art and photographic supplies in the next cupboard. Looking back at the end of the isle I saw her happily reading “Mode”.

Almost an hour later I stood outside the supermarket watching my wife with deep affection as she turned another page in the “Marie Claire” she was engrossed in. I had completed my shopping, taking the long route with the trolley to avoid passing within sight of her as I returned to the vegetable section for my Dragon fruit. There was no need to hide my treasures under the green environment friendly bags as I went through the check out. I took the trolley to the car and loaded the bags into the trunk and backseat before returning for her.

The two check out girls, whom I knew from many previous visits, smiled with me knowing the reason for the ear to ear grin I wore. “Sally,” I called quietly, just loud enough for her and the few people around to hear, “Time to go.” She looked around laughing and smiling apologetically to the girls behind the check outs, “Where have you been?” she said in mock anger, I said nothing but raised my eyebrows toward the giggling girls and smiling shoppers, this sort of thing happens all the time I guess, I’m sure it always draws smiles.

Later that night, after the others had gone to bed, I adjusted my camera on the tripod and turned the lights carefully onto my Dragon fruit. Even without a list, a shopping trip like today was well worth the effort, I didn’t even have to pay for the women’s best friend. God bless them, women and their magazines.

JAWhite                                               Return To Main Page
April 2010

Supermarket Image by: Jim Simandi, flickr Photo
Dragon Fruit Image by: JAWhite, flickr Photo