Between a Rock and a Hard Place

The situation developed quicker than even I, the eternal pessimist could have anticipated. It started with an innocuous theft; the small bags of peanuts were there to be consumed weren’t they? Putting a few in my pocket for later wouldn’t hurt anyone, except me as it turned out.

Those bags eventually found their way into an empty jar in the pantry, I certainly wouldn’t steal something and then throw it away, redundant effort that. Pantries are great places for hiding product selection errors, the bag of popcorn left untouched for years after the discovery of microwave popping is only one example, why pan pop when you can nuke a bag and have a disposable container to eat from? I’m not sure when the jar of peanuts was first added to, one day I noticed that it was full, the wife must have bought some more. Occasionally I would grab a small hand full to chomp on while waiting for something more substantial, but watching my expanding waist kept that to a minor occurrence. Really apart from that, the nuts seemed to just be there as though that were their place in life.                      Photo Courtesy: Jeff Doolittle Flickr Photo

I do remember the next nut arrival; I had been shopping with the wife and saw a clearance trolley with packets of “healthy” peanuts nearing expiration date. They were almost giving them away, what could I do but add them to our trolley; you never know when you might have a party. On putting the groceries away I found I had to locate a larger jar, the nut situation was getting out of hand. The last straw arrived only a few days ago, when friends came over, they brought potato chips, drinks and peanuts.

Perhaps peanuts have gone out of fashion; they taste great but do get stuck in between your teeth. The larger jar was full and overflow sat in a Tupperware container next to it. The time had come to do something about this. I had been retired for a couple of years and had started doing most of the cooking; don’t tell the wife I said that. Simple, I would make something from the peanuts, easy as. With the internet available I hadn’t bothered with cookbooks for quite some time. Google peanut recipes, no problem, Six million results, great.

Ever try finding something to eat? Something everyone in the family will like? Something that’s “easy” for you to cook, and clean up after? Not great. George Washington Carver, I remember that name from school, he found a zillion uses for peanuts. No matter how hard I looked, he had nothing for me, peanut soup? Indonesian Satay, I had tried a sample in a supermarket once, it was good, no... Too many ingredients. Peanut butter cookies, yes I like them, but wait, I have peanuts but there’s that jar of peanut butter on the next shelf, doesn’t made sense.

I like to look around when I Google, I check out the result offerings on more than the first page, but how many OOOOO’s do you click before giving up? Deciding that this was a job for Superwoman, I e-mailed my Mom, with copies to my sisters just in case. Mom was twenty when she had me, that makes her an experienced cook, among other things. It happened that Mom was staying with one of my sisters this week, she and sis must have talked and decided that stupid son and brother needed help. The reply was blunt, no hello, how are you? Nothing, just a copy of a home page from a Google result. I had a look, yep, it was the very first result I had seen from the “Peanut Recipe” search I had done, but hadn’t looked at.

Okay, Google knows all, next time I won’t second guess it and look further than it’s highly considered and in order of significance suggestions. The proof is in the pudding, I would take a look at the info my sister had recommended. Sounded great, Cooking With Peanuts, how more applicable could you get. Hold on! The copy of the site page my sister sent didn’t have working links so I read the text first. Now that’s a real first. It begins with promises of relieve for those in my pitiful position,”Peanuts are one of the most versatile foodstuffs on earth.” “If you’re looking for ideas on different ways to use peanuts....” Then the show stopper... “Got a great peanut recipe? Let us know and you can Get Famous Fast!"

If I give them my recipe they will send me 1kg of delicious dry roasted Peanut Van peanuts. Oh my aching head. The clincher follows; STOP PRESS! We’ve been swamped with great recipes! Don’t send anymore for now.

I have only two choices, I can get up the nerve and look at the Peanut Van site for something to use my peanuts for, or, I can take my peanuts for a walk, its garbage night. I think my nuts are caught between a rock and a hard place.

JAWhite                                                     Return To Main Page
October 2009

Some quotes from The Peanut Van web site http://peanutvan.com.au/recipes.htm you don’t think they’ll get upset do you?
No products were injured in the writing of this true story.