Apostrophes, Commas, and Women, Punctuation abuse.

Apostrophes seem to find the most unusual places to hide within words. Like their friends the comma and women, apostrophes like to preserve their mystique. For this trait alone I think of them as feminine despite their appearance, meaning the punctuation marks. From one paragraph to the next I’m not sure where they’ll stand on any given subject, noun, pronoun or even abbreviation.

Teachers say there are hard and fast rules for controlling the behaviour of these wily creatures. Since I’ve never been one to take study seriously, I haven’t learned the rules, so can’t apply them. This is probably why none of them show me respect. Without the knowledge to rule them they’re each free to humiliate me at their whim.

Writing things down is one of my all time favourite habits, bad memory you might say, and you’d be right. Jotting down the shopping, a list of things to do, or even random thoughts for further consideration is common for most of us. Do you include the punctuation marks in your little notes to self? I do, that’s why I use a pencil now. When using ink I found my lists were too messy, the commas and apostrophes had to be scratched out and chased back to positions more generally acceptable.

Although money would be appreciated, I never expect to be paid for anything I might write, no one pays for badly punctuated and phrased ramblings, and let’s not go near the subject of spelling. Reconsidering that last comment, let me say, I’m proud to have achieved the highest spelling mark among those who failed to pass it in the High School Certificate my final year. Mediocrity rules!

Writing for fun as I do, should be much easier while using the computer, correcting was such a pain when using pen/pencil and paper. Copy or cut and paste, searching for suitable words for concepts from my small brain, formatting the page, all should be easy, anyway, I'll keep trying. I have two books on my desk, much to the amusement of son number two. Amusement you say? Yes I do, he pokes fun at me endlessly, “Don’t you know how to search google?” “Are you that stupid, you have a computer right there use it!” “I bet you even go to the library!” I answer yes to all those accusations, at least two of those with some pride in my voice. The wife doesn’t understand that the mess my area of the living room is in, is simply because of the need to spread out my papers and books to chase down the correct words.  I use a real desktop as well as a Windows pseudo. 

My books are two English dictionaries, one by Collins the other by Webster, and College Spelling Studies by Charles G. Reigner. The latter is ten years older than I am so it must have accumulated a great deal of knowledge, and the dictionary is there in black and white.

Of course the computer is a great help I admit, but sometimes I like to spot check its suggestions, you know what they say, “A adjective in the hand... then something about Cyberspace. Google, grammar check, and spell check, all you need to write a novel, except for the story and other bits.

Squiggly lines, red, green, blue, whatever, they fill the page if you let them. I jump on them as soon as they rear their ugly heads. There’s one now, up about 12:00 third paragraph above. That word’s there for a purpose, I saw the error of my ways as soon as the squiggle appeared, I left it there to piss off the owner. I have something against a verb being capitalised unless it starts a sentence. I don’t believe that particular word is proprietary any longer, it’s the same as saying “K kleenex” meaning “tissue” common usage makes it so.

My spelling studies book contains pages of useful information on the structure and use of English in writing, it was in fact designed for people who were employed to transcribe spoken English into written words. The subtle distinctions in meaning between words indicated by punctuation is more important now than ever. Internet communication is usually in brief sentences which can leave meaning open, since context is often missing. That’s where the smiley comes in :).

The apostrophes and commas keep moving around on me, one minute I think I have them corralled ready to brand, then a new usage circumstance comes along. I have nightmares about pages with red, green and blue squiggly lines everywhere. Nouns, singular, singular possessive, plural... If I wanted this I’d still be in school.  Stuff it, let the apostrophe's fall where they may.

I can’t tell you about women and the art of apostrophe and comma usage here, I’m afraid my wife would punctuate me to within an inch of my life.

JAWhite                                                      Return To Main Page
February 2010
ABC Image Courtesy: Steve Woods, RGBstock.com

All spelling, punctuation, and grammatical mistakes on this page are clear evidence of carelessness.
For those who dare, a brief but deadly venture into "Women and Punctuation"